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The Mullah with Iphone

Mullah Abdul Salaam Zaeef, a former Taliban ambassador to Pakistan, holds his iPhone as he speaks with Associated Press during an interview at his residence in Kabul, Afghanistan, Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009.Zaeef spent almost four years in Guantanamo. He wears a black turban and has a thick beard -- and he is a huge fan of Apple's iPhone."It's easy and modern and I love it," Zaeef said Wednesday while he pinched and pulled his fingers across the device's touch screen to show off photos. "I'm using the Internet with it. Sometimes I use it for the GPS to find locations."(AP Photo/Rafiq Maqbool)

And The Beatles were singing:

Does he have an iphone, and loves his Apple?
Does he like his new iphone with touchpad
or NOT,
The Mullah of Talib?

Edward Lear's The Akond of Swat
by famous American voiceover and recording artist Ken Nordine


Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal: Rival of the Akhoond of Swat
by George T Lanigan (1846-1886) of Canada for New York World


Alas, unhappy land: ill-fated spot
Kotal--though where or what
On earth Kotal is, the bard forgot;
Further than this indeed he knoweth not--
It borders upon Swat!


When sorrows come, they come not single spies,
But in battal-
Ions: the gloom that lay on Swat now lies
Upon Kotal.
On sad Kotal whose people ululate
For their loved Moolla late.
Put away his little turban,
And his narghileh embrowned,
The lord of Kotal--rural urban--
'S gone unto his last Akhoond,
'S gone to meet his rival Swattan,
'S gone, indeed, but not forgotten.


His rival, but in what?
Wherein did the deceased Akhoond of Swat
Kotal's lamented Moolla late,
As it were, emulate?
Was it in the tented field
With crash of sword on shield,
While backward meaner champions reeled
And loud the tom-tom pealed?
Did they barter gash for scar
With the Persian scimetar
Or the Aghanistee tulwar.
While loud the tom-tom pealed--
While loud the tom-tom pealed,
And the jim-jam squeeled,
And champions less well heeled
Their war-horses wheeled
And fled the presence of these mortal big bugs o' the field?
Was Kota's proud citadel--
Bastioned, walled, and demi-luned,
Beaten down with shot and shell
By the guns of the Akhoond?
Or were wails despairing caught, as
The burghers pale of Swat
Cried in panic, "Moolla ad Portas?"
--Or what?
Or made each in the cabinet his mark
Kotalese Gortschakoff, Swattish Bismarck?
Did they explain and render hazier
The poicies of Central Asia?
Did they with speeches from the throne,
Wars dynastic,
Entents cordiales,
Between Swat and Kotal;
Holy Alliances,
And other appliances
Of statesmen with morals and consciences plastic
Come by much more than their own?
Made they mots, as "There today is
No more Mimalayehs,"
Or, if you prefer it, "There today are
No more Himalaya?"
Or, said the Akhoond, "Sah,
L'Etat de Swat c'est moi?"
Khabu, did there come great fear
On thy Khabuldozed Ameer
Al Shere?
Or did the Khan of afar
Tremble at the menace hot
Of the Moolla of Kotal,
"I will extirpate thee, pal
Of my foe the Akhoond of Swat?"
Who knows
Of Moolla and Akhoond aught more than I did?
Namely, in life they rivals were, or foes,
And in their deaths not very much divided?
If anyone knows it,
Let him disclose it!


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