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Talibanization of India, Nonsense!


They are calling us Hindu Taliban, they are using terms like Talibanization of India. What a stupid idea and a preposterous notion. They belittle us, these pseudos. We are the Heroes, how can they compare us to our enemies. Remember we - in our all flavors - still believe in the old maxim: 'Sakinaka Say Nagasaki tak Sara Area Apna Hai' and wasn't our Ghandhariji from that area. What do you mean So?

These Jhollawallas turned Suitwallas really have microphones for brain and cameras for mouth. Do they have any idea what we are trying to achieve and against what odds. Taliban had their work cut out for them, they are students and they only interpret, here we are masters, we create stuff out of thin air, at times we have to define good Indian culture, workout issues of public morality and lot more, and we do it by mostly relying on our good instincts and the prevalent political climate in the country. We are great people of a great civilization. Those crazy talibs could actually learn a thing or two from us, for one they can learn an important lesson: democracy is not the enemy, you just need to learn how to work with it. Yes, we do envy their discipline but they are stupid for they have no intention of growing inside the cracks present within the civilization, instead they are hell bent on being the great crack that brings down the house. Here we have mastered the art of juggling between the role of being the prominent crack in the aging building, the menacing banyan sapling growing inside the moist gap and also the mortar that promises to fill up the crack. Taliban have such crazy ideas only because they have too many guns. Unlike Taliban, we don't have AK47s57s, we would like to have them, but we don't have them. People in west make movies on them and  not on us, we would like it if they did, but the west is biased against us. Even the tvwallas don't like us.


Do you think its easy being us, only a couple of years ago these women had purdahs down to their knees, yes it was because of the cruel muslim invaders, but we were okay with it; we got used to the arrangement. But now, these loose women go around deliberately parading their butt cracks in loose jeans. No SharamWaram. And we keep thinking of our mothers and the simple times they used to live in. And every time we try to talk about it, you throw Kamasutra and those wretched idols from temples of Khajuraho at us, then you do glossy articles about them for waxed English newspaper pages with blowups and insets of dozen dirty pictures thrown in and you call it culture. I am sure even the things that I am saying write now would have a glossy presentation that would have no context with the important message that I am sending out. You people are are like that only na. At moments like these, some of you even try to educate us about a dirty kashmiri brahmin with an awful name like Koka who wrote a perverse Shastra on sex. Ohji, if he had put his brain to writing a military manual, maybe his decedents would have still been living in Kashmir. Maybe if this Koka fellow had realized that it wasn't about pleasure but about procreation, then his decedents would have been a sizeable percentage of the population of that forsaken pure Hindu land.Idiots. So many medieval references and still they say we are the ones pushing India towards middle ages. Poor fellows don't even know how to formulate a logical response.

Tell us, only a couple of years ago in your bollywood films didn't only vamps go to pub, get drunk, dance half naked, heave heavy bosoms, lure honest simple men to those shady love dens, make merry and bring down the house of poor pativratas. Didn't these vamps once in a while get slapped around a bit - Yes Helen never got that treatment but that was because of her white colour, because of whiteness she was beyond treatment, she was meant to be like that. Why would any woman enjoy drinking and dancing. What kind of  women enjoy these acts? Only vamps. So what did we do wrong. You all are wrong. Now all the heroines want to acts like vamps and heroes want to act like anti-heroes. Thank gods we got Jhojpuri cinema where everything is still clear.

And now these people are sending us pink panties. What next, you yuppies singing "Ram ka naam badnam na karo" to put us to sleep. We would like to point out panties - pink or otherwise, called chaddies or anything else - are against Indian culture, an evil import from the corrupt west. Even hearing the word does something to us deep inside. Didn't, the west, some decades ago, insensitively send Bras to a natural calamity hit Pakistan as relief material. That's how these gora people are. The poor folks in Pakistan didn't know what to do with all those bras, so they cut up the bras and used the resultant fine cups for distributing rice. Pakistanis are great at doing these thing. Of course things have changed for the worse even for them, they now sell dirty toys of the west(do not check).

Trust us, support us, we are Hindustan's last defense against going down that filthy uncultured path. No, we don't yet know the alternative to the panties, but we will check our glorious scriptures and get back with a decent solution. Meanwhile, I think we are going to have our cadre do little sewing work on those panties, dye pink color to saffron and wear the crown of saviors on our head and pretend that it's the fancy karakul hat.

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On January 26, 2009, a group of 40 men attacked girls in a pub in Mangalore. They claimed the women were violating traditional Indian values.

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Image credits:
My Retrospace for the magazine cover and Batman, Phantom spanking comic
for Mandrake this site (NSFW) with more comic spanking

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Unrelated post: Chaddie ads from 1980s

Comments

  1. Haha, well written. I hope these guys will b dealt sternly with very soon so that we dont anymore have this headache.

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  2. Amar, thanks for dropping in. Yes, they sure make it a point to be a headache. And there are enough people in our country who think we need this headache.

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  3. Completely agree. These guys think they are very intelligent and are promoting the culture of indian 'secularism' What a joke! This weekend there was a debate on NDTV 24X7 that 'Is there something called Indian Culture' I mean holy crap.. Have we come to this point that they are holding a debate on the very existence of something called Indian culture.. and then girls are sending panties and underwears, and this is being showed by NDTV IBN and HT as being correct way to protest whatever they want to.. This is shameful.

    Nice read. Please continue the good work.

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  4. At moments like these I wonder why the hell do I write.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hahahahahahaaaaa at your last comment.

    ReplyDelete

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