Why can’t Indian Filmmakers make a real movie?

Why?
Is it because Indian audience is like Ostrich?
We don’t want reality. Every time we hear the word reality, one long handheld scene, long seemingly meaningless conversation…. we bury our head into a ditch and if the ditch is playing a long Yash Raj Film with 15 songs, fine with us.
Or, is it because the filmmakers are like Ostrich?
We don’t want reality. Every time we hear the word reality-one long handheld scene, long seemingly meaningless conversation- we bury our head into a ditch and if the ditch has lot of money, great, we pretend we are making the next Yash Raj Films type movie with 15 songs and things are fine with Indian cinema. We are going to take this to Cannes next year and make them watch it. At least, one day they would realize that this is the only thing Indian Cinema has to offer.
Another thing that makes the Indian Audience act like a moose in front of car headlight is Amitabh Bachan. Mr. Bachan is poor ‘farmer’, a true son of the soil. Sometime I think of him as a holy cow, a kamdhenu that the industry is just milking away. And of course in the process, the cow is getting greener grass and getting fatter. His young calf is working towards being the next holy cow and they have a beautiful new bull in the house. And with all the bullshit being produced in the barnyard called Bollywood, they ought to think about setting up a gobbar gas plant to make some extra mooolah and it’s environment friendly also.

Adventures of an Indian 'Ostrich' filmmaker at Cannes.

Wait people don’t leave the hall, the next song is better, we have added English lyrics for your convenience…Kiss that ass Kiss that ass but stay away from the Kiss of ass (to be sung to the tune of the hit song Kiss of Love from Jhoom Barabar Jhoom). It’s even shot in your own European backyard, has special effects by a US firm that bytheway outsources its work to Chennai), Spanish costumes and 80 dancers… most of them from you own European neighborhood. The song played for 8 months on the T.V and for 4 months on the radio, the movie played for 2 whole months in multiplex, made a cool billion. Actors are great; have to be, their three generations have been actors…they have to be great… you know Darwin’s theory of evolution. A European critic at Rotten Tomatoes dat com praised it as the Indian drag version of Cats. How cool is that! Being compurred to the cool Cats themselves.
Don’t like it. What do you mean don’t like it? What more do you people want? More hand held? Have’t you had enough of handheld? Damn the Mexicans! No problem next year we would be back with a handheld movie? Based on a real Shootout. No. Okay, how about dead babies floating in a lake. Cool na! We use 250 handheld cameras, 10 big stars, just 5 songs and Amitabh Bachan thrown in. You know Amitabh Bachan?
You do.
Great. Finally, the triumph of Indian cinema. Cannes was a big success this year. See you next year. Do invite me. I am from the land of Satyajit Ray, the great one. Do remember me.

(P.S. it is hope less; even i had to use a western actor in that write-up, an Ostrich. India may Ostrich kaha hai bhai)